Fathers, Do You See Yourself In Your Son?

Some fathers see themselves in their sons. Sometimes that creates feelings of joy. Sometimes that creates a feeling of frustration. What's your experience?

Michael Pardiñas shares with us his story. He is a thirty-some business owner of Recipe Food Manufacturing, Inc. that operates in Balagtas, Bulacan. He lives with his family in Quezon City. He's married to Christine, and he has two boys namely Miguel (8 y/o) and Lorenzo (1 y/o).

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Photo of Michael Pardinas with wife Christine and sons Miguel and Lorenzo. Photo was taken in January 2009."][/caption]

I met Michael for the first time as a fellow member of Epsilon Chi Fraternity in UP Diliman. While I was basically a visiting brod that time, I had this impression of him as a private person. This was decades ago.

It was therefore a pleasant surprise when Michael graciously agreed to an interview about what he discusses with his kids on the dinner table (the same interview I gave to Bo Sanchez earlier). I made it clear to him that the interview will be published, and he was OK with the idea.

So, here we go...

Raising Filipino Boys (RFB): Please briefly describe the individual temperaments of your boys

Michael Pardiñas (MP):

Miguel’s personality is kind of extreme. He is so shy with people he does not know, to the point that he does not respond when someone talks to him. In his judo class, he just stands or sits in a corner while waiting for the class to start.

On the other hand, he gets rowdy with people with whom he feels comfortable with: his parents, his cousins and friends. He plays and talks a lot with these people. Even his teacher notices this. He is so quiet during the start of a school year, then becomes talkative after a few months.

Lorenzo seems to be more sociable. He enjoys it when people watch him do things. He even calls your attention if he notices that you are not watching. He loves hugging people, especially his brother.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="374" caption="Miguel and Lorenzo Pardinas. Photo taken in January 2009."][/caption]

RFB: Please briefly describe your own temperament

MP (emphasis by RFB): I get a bit frustrated whenever I see Miguel being so shy and dependent on us, given his age. We have enrolled him in different classes (like dancing, acting workshop, judo) to overcome his shyness and become more independent. I guess he reminds me of me when I was young, so I get frustrated ‘coz I kinda blame myself for his shyness.

RFB: How often do you eat meals with your family at home?

MP: On weekends, we eat together. On weeknights, we try to have dinner together.

RFB: What topics do you talk about with your boys while having meals with them?

MP: We talk all sorts of topics. School, movies, TV shows, table manners, sports, and others.

RFB: Who initiates the topics?

MP: Anyone

RFB: How do you describe the conduct of the discussion?

MP: It is just casual talk.

RFB: How open are they to share their insights or experiences about the topics?

MP: Miguel can say whatever he wants. He also asks a lot of questions. We just remind him every now and then to wait for his turn. He tends to butt in while my wife and I are talking.

RFB: How responsive are your boys to your insights?

MP: I would say Miguel is open to our insights. He asks questions or argues if he does not understand or has a different opinion. Minsan nga, nagiging pilosopo para lang makahirit (sometimes plays smart just to make his point).

RFB: How important are meal topics with your boys to you as a father?

MP: Actually, I talk to Miguel whenever I see fit. I don’t wait for supper to talk to him. But, we talk more before bedtime. It is more relaxing to talk when lying in bed rather than eating meal.

RFB: If there are interesting stories or insights that you wish to share that have not been covered by the previous questions, please share them here...

I just like to share one discussion I had with Miguel. This happened a few months back. It was during exam week.

When he got home from school, I asked him about his exam. He narrated that he saw one of his classmates copying from his seatmates. He called the attention of the teacher about this, so the kid got reprimanded.

I asked him why he did that, and he answered that what his classmate was doing was wrong. I advised him never to do that because he will only create enemies, especially when he grows older.

So he asked me what he should have done. I told him that he should have talked to his classmate after the exam that copying is wrong. I also told Miguel that he could offer his help to his classmate with schoolwork. That way, you would gain a friend instead of an enemy. ( Do you agree with me brod? :) )

<End of Interview>

Just two things before I close this post.

Firstly, I feel like I am in no position to agree or disagree with what Michael told his son about the cheating classmate. But I imagine that I would say the same thing to my son; but then I would add that if the classmate persists on cheating, then it will be OK to tell the teacher. But I will caution my son to do everything with compassion for the classmate as the primary motivation. I believe in rules, but rules are made for men, not men for rules.

Secondly, you have heard of stories of other fathers getting frustrated with their sons, primarily because the father saw himself in his son, haven't you? The little that I know about the psychology behind this is that each one of us--no exception, me included--has inadequacies that we grow with. We tend to project this to our son, especially when he starts acting like us.

I experienced this with my own son, who resemble my personality almost exactly. Fortunately, my understanding of natural temperaments saved me from guilt trips. My son is a choleric. To save him from societal pressures that seek to "domesticate" him, my wife and I then immediately worked on getting him to a school OUTSIDE of traditional schools. It's why we ended up homeschooling him at the Catholic Filipino Academy.

What's your take on this issue? Please share your thoughts with us.


May your son model you rightly.


Marvin
RaisingFilipinoBoys.com

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