Four Things a Filipino Father Must Provide His Kids

Filipino Fatherhood is a cultural thing. We raise Filipino boys in a vastly Catholic environment where it's taught that a father's business are to provide, protect, and priesthood in the family.

These roles lie deep in the subconscious of every Filipino male. These roles are also the source of a Filipino male's dilemma.

Let's dissect one these roles just a little bit today, that of the Father's Business #1: Providing for the Family. There are four dimensions where a Filipino Father provides for his family: the material, emotional, mental and spiritual levels.

Material. The business of providing is usually associated with providing for material needs of the family. Brian's first challenge in courtship is to prove to Elsa's parents that he is capable of putting a roof on Elsa's head, cloth on her skin and food on her table. It's all about her.

Why? In Filipino culture, motherhood is a very sacred thing! Elsa is going to be the mother of Brian's kids. If Brian can't provide for Elsa, how much more for the kids? The last thing Elsa's parents want is to see Elsa doing more than her fair share of the work load.

Incidentally, the task of providing doesn't stop at providing for material needs. This is where some fathers, in many cultures including the Filipino, fall prey.

Emotional. The need to be loved is human nature. To suppress it is to suppress humanity inside you. This is where many men---because of our biology and psychology---fall short. We're like right-handed mammals required by culture to write our name with our left hand. See the picture?

But that does not exempt us from expressing love to our spouse and children. They need our affection like they need food on their table. They can forget the material stuff we provide them, but they wouldn't forget how we quarreled with our bosses or partners just to be in our kid's graduation.

Mental. I think this is where the tricky part comes in. The mental dimension consists of our skills, network of friends, reputation, and other things that paint a picture of who the father is in the eyes of society.

What skills are we teaching our kids? People may see your kid as excellent in one thing, say, singing. Then one day one discovers that you are a frequent visitor of videoke bars. They'll say, "Ahhh, no wonder." Or, another may discover that you sing in the Church choir. Still they'll say, "Ahhhh, no wonder."

There may be a bit of a difference in the way they say, "Ahhhh, no wonder" but they're gonna relate your son's skills with yours, one way or another.

What perspectives about life and society do we teach them? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Are you a doer or a talker? Do you personaly get involved in civic activities? or does your son see you watching TV all the time and commenting at every turn how people should be doing thins?

Your son may actually just be like you. Would you be proud to see a replica of yourself?

What friends do we have? Our kids will one day be known as "the son of {put your name here}." When people say that among themselves about your son, will that generate admiration? or will that generate sympathy, or worse, dread?

Scary questions, aren't they?

Spiritual. I wish to use the word "Spiritual" here not so much in the traditional religious context (I'm a Catholic) but more in the context of what the Church is expected to accomplish in the first place: AGAPE or unconditional love.

Agape (pronounced /ˈæɡəpiː/ AG-ə-pee; and sometimes /əˈɡɑːpeɪ/ ə-GAH-pay after the Classical Greek agápē; Modern Greek: αγάπη [aˈɣapi]) is one of several Greek words translated into English as love. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. (Source: Wikipedia)

Explaining this part is a bit tricky, but let me give it my best shot.

Imagine yourself reminding your son or daughter to perform as excellently as they can. You do your best to be the best example for them. You invest the prime of your life to provide for their needs.

Then one day your son comes home with the face of an addict or your daughter comes home impregnated by the campus idol who dumped her that day. How would you react?

I know one strict father who was speechless, embraced his absolutely surprised kid so tight his kid could hardly breath, broke down and cried, no holds barred. He loved his kid so much he allowed his love and compassion, not his anger and frustration, to show.

In a heartbeat the rebellious kid saw a loving father, not the disciplinarian. That changed a lot of things from then on in the kid's life.

That to me was unconditional love.

P.S. I just discussed by the way aspects of the Peace of Mind Square, which is discussed in greater detail in the PSI Basic Leadership Success Seminar. In a word it's a self-mastery seminar that has enhanced the awareness of its more than 40,000 graduates in the Metro Manila since 1986.