If you don't read the Five Love Languages, you might hate yourself later

What I might strongly recommend as an important chapter in the Manual for Fathers (if there is one) is the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. No kidding there.

The book provides an emotional road map that I believe men can relate to in the same way that men relate to an actual road map. To navigate in unfamiliar territory, we look for a map, don't we? The book reduces the nebulous subject matter called "love" into something that's all of a sudden logical, relatable and doable!

The truth is, dealing with loving relationships is a cross men carry. I have read psychology and biology materials that scientifically support that view. So, let's carry the cross well, and with style!

Yeah, I know golf and football are more interesting topics. I just happen to be someone who wants my wife to hand me my snacks and drinks with a smile and a kiss, while I watch ESPN. That requires an X-Factor called a great loving relationship.

Just like learning how to ride a bike, there are simple steps that we can repeatedly do in loving relationships that, if we are diligent, will almost guarantee us a lasting and hot relationship with our wife! Those steps have been hidden from the eyes of men since the time Homo Sapiens have appeared on earth! 

But now, the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman has revealed to us these steps. Alleluia!

I am not about to propose to declare Gary Chapman a saint. Perhaps, just someone like Isaac Newton who has discovered gravity! Everyone sees things fall because of gravity, but Isaac Newton has made it understandable to us. Gary Chapman has done that for us in the area of relationships.

From this book, I have learned that, really, there are only four cyclical steps in maintaining a hot loving relationship with our partners:

STEP 1 - KNOW/REVIEW THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

STEP 2 - KNOW/REVISIT YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE

STEP 3 - KNOW/REVISIT YOUR PARTNER'S LOVE LANGUAGE

STEP 4 - SPEAK REGULARLY YOUR PARTNER'S LOVE LANGUAGE

That's the cycle. Just like riding a bicycle, all we need to do is keep on pedaling!

Here's how it has worked for me and my wife.

STEP 1 - My wife (then my girlfriend) and I read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

We were dumb lucky here. We were both network marketers (she was my downline) of Amway and our group required us to read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. So, we both ended up having our own individual copies, which we read with great interest.

Other couples that we knew struggled to read it, either because they were not yet fully convinced of its value, or, worse, one of them thought that the other simply wanted to "fix" him/her. 

STEP 2 - I identified my love language

As we read the book, I saw clearly what my love language was (and is). It was "words of affirmation." I acknowledged it, and shared that with my wife. She then understood that I just didn't want her to show or demonstrate her love, I needed to hear the words! 

Being a "words of affirmation" person, I expressed my love verbally, which was not necessarily how my wife wanted it. 

STEP 3 - My wife identified her love language

My wife initially felt shy about telling me her love language, which was receiving gifts. She felt shy because she knew I was kuripot (stingy) and she didn't want me to think she was bil mo ko non bil mo ko nyan (buy me this, buy me that) lady. 

This was how I understood why my wife loved to buy me clothes, which I thought then was too costly compared to what she was earning then. Having understood her love language, I felt some blood drip in my heart. Oh, how unappreciative I was!

I accepted her love language in complete surrender. If that was her love language, then that was the language I would use for her.

STEP 4 - We spoke each other's love language

When we started speaking each other's love language, this was when the real discomfort came in. My wife was not used to saying it, but she struggled to say it, and then finally did it. It didn't come easy, but I finally heard it, again and again, and that was all that mattered!

On my part, it was a struggle to buy things for her, big or small, because of my stinginess. But soon I learned to loosen up and started buying chocolates, roses and stuff for my wife. Boy, she really felt loved everytime I come home, and that was all that mattered!

It was not as much struggle to apply the love language principle to our kids later on, and even to our friends.

Watching sports and browsing the internet become much more fun when our wife lovingly smiles at us as she hands on to us our drink. I can't say it better than that.

It's worth it, man. Go, buy your copy.