Filipino Family Customs and Traditions, in the Eyes of Foreigners

Current Filipino family customs got a fair description in at least two sites that discussed Asian culture and tradition. I found that pleasing because they were written by foreigners.

At AsianInfo.org, the description focused on respect to elders, ways of communicating and the status of women:

Faithfulness to the family is a tradition that is characteristic of Filipino society. This family loyalty is apparent in the fact that there are no booming businesses for retirement homes or orphanages in the Philippines. xxx In their communication with each other, speaking politely is important as is speaking with a gentle tone of voice. xxx Unlike other Asian countries where women tend to be in more subservient positions, women in the Philippines have had high societal positions since precolonial times.
Source: Filipino Customs (www.asianinfo.org)

These descriptions were very true from personal experience. Respect for elders was too basic among Filipino families that we sometimes thought that each Filipino child was born with that virtue. But no, we got this virtue at home, as we grew up in a Filipino home.

One would wish each Filipino family continued to teach this virtue regardless of whether they were in the Philippines or abroad.

In speaking with a gentle tone of voice, I personally experienced being disliked for not having the gift of such a gentle voice. Yes, you could be totally disliked by everyone here, simply because of your rough voice, regardless of your brilliance. Even if you had the cure for AIDS or the solution for global warming or the knowledge of who killed John Kennedy, you had to speak gently or nobody would listen!

There was a good and bad side to that, I guess, but we could leave it at that at the moment. The Filipino's passion for harmony could be unbelievable, and that worked well in preserving the unity of Filipino families.

Another article in the internet spoke about the Filipino's loyalty to his/her own family as something that was thicker than blood. This was written by someone in the online dating business.

The family is considered as the basic unit of society in the Philippines and for a Filipina, faithfulness to her family take first priority. You may not believe that there are cases when a choice has to be made, the Filipina lady will choose her parents or family over you. (they have a saying you can get another husband but there's only one set of parents for her).
Source: A Typical Filipino Family (www.ezinearticles.com)

Again, I could not agree with this more. I saw this first hand. To choose the husband over father or mother, when one was in a situation to have to choose, was an absolute taboo. Wella (not her real name) split up with Caloy (not his real name) and they cancelled their planned wedding. This happened when Caloy sued Wella's father for embezzling some funds. There was no quarrel between Caloy and Wella. But Wella felt he had to make a choice, and she chose her father.

Glenn (not his real name), told me about the way he started off his marriage with his wife Terry (again, not her real name). Being the only son, Glenn did not want to leave his aging mother alone after he married (his father died early). Before exchanging "I do's" with Terry, Glenn told Terry not to let him choose between her and his mother. Glenn told Terry that she would certainly lose. Terry was very understanding and loving enough to say, "no problem." So, the wedding pushed through.

People from other countries may find the Filipino brand of family loyalty and harmony too much to bear. I find that a pity. But even as we didn't wish to impose our values on them, this was one reality that they just had to embrace.