Raising Kids, the Cultural Divide and Maria Venus Raj

Had cultural differences in raising kids and building a family come into play in the recent Miss Universe pageant?

An uproar among "smart" Filipinos, who wish they were the ones in front of Alec Baldwin, happened after this interview (emphasis mine):

The Hollywood star asked the 22-year-old Filipino-Indian, “What is one big mistake that you’ve made in your life and what did you do to make it right?”

Raj replied, “You know what, sir, in my 22 years of existence, I can say that there's nothing major major problem that I've done in my life because I'm very confident with my family, with the love that they are giving to me. So thank you so much that I'm here. Thank you, thank you so much.”

Source: Even Bush, US journalists couldn't answer Venus Raj's question | ABS-CBNnews.com

I couldn't help but squeeze my own thoughts on that question. What big mistake could a 22-year old Filipino girl possibly admit in front of the entire world, while her own mother was watching?

Rule out having been impregnated by someone. Rule out drugs. Rule out excessive alcohol. Rule out partying all night and getting stoned. Rule out getting arrested for driving drunk. Any one of these could have disqualified Venus Raj from the beginning.

So, what big mistake could that possibly be? Eating too much hamburgers perhaps? Not brushing her teeth one day? Would anyone have an idea?

To counter those who saw Venus' reply as dumb, I posted the following status message in my Facebook account:

I think Venus Raj did much better than George Bush in answering that question. Bush said, "Mmm... I wish I, you would have given me a, this written, a question ahead of time." Folks, that was the President of the United States of America. I'm proud of you Miss Maria Venus Raj!

Interestingly enough, this prompted a very insightful reply from my relative who lives in West Hartford, Connecticut (emphasis mine):

I grew up with a notion that parents didn't make mistakes. Was it true? Probably not.. but if Miss Philippines grew up in a similar atmosphere (a "no excuses, no mistakes" atmosphere) then I can see why that was a tough question for her.

A note for those abroad... nearly every job interview here in the U.S. will ask that question Alec Baldwin asked Miss Philippines. In management, the method an individual fixes mistakes is a manager's measurement of Character. If it's a big mistake but an even greater solution & better solution within guidelines, then that creates a great Character. To the western world, Miss Philippines dodged the question & it sounded like she never made mistakes in life. To those that were really listening.. She had never made huge mistakes because she had a great family to assure she stayed aligned. To a bulk of the western world, she portrayed that she was Miss Perfect without mistakes.

Believe it or not, the family is still a big deal in the Philippines. At 22 years old, the family still plays a big part in one's major decisions in life. An admission of a big mistake at that age is an admission of a big failure in the family. People here will ask, "Paano ba pinalaki ng magulang yan?" (How did her parents raise her up?)

The reason why Filipino parents use a particular way of raising kids almost always has something to do with the name of the family. That's Filipino culture. That culture is alive and kicking, all the way to the Miss Universe pageant.

What was on the line when Venus Raj struggled to answer that question was not just her own honor, but the honor of her family and anyone else whose family name was "Raj." Maria Venus Raj defended it.

Westerners would not understand that. That was why I believe cultural differences in raising kids and building a family came into play in that pageant.

Do I fret? No, not a all. With Maria Venus Raj having topped online surveys during the pageant, making it to the Top 15, and then to the Top 5, many Filipinos already went crazy.

Miss Philippines Maria Venus Raj, you made us proud!